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  • Health
  • Coping The First Christmas Without A Loved One


    Christmas is a time for holidays, festivities and ultimately, a time for families to get together. It is about remembering others less fortunate than ourselves.

    In the UK, one in three people will be diagnosed with some form of cancer within their lifetime.

    For many people this time of year can an incredibly painful experience as they struggle to come to terms with loved ones who have passed away or are faced with helping a family member cope with their illness over the holiday period.

    For families who have experienced a death in the family this year, Christmas can be an overwhelming experience. Many people shy away from any connection which will remind them of their loss. Whether it be spending Christmas away from home or changing household traditions. Depression, tearfulness and longing are all natural emotions that are heightened during this period.

    Anne Orchard, author of Their Cancer – Your Journey: A Traveller’s Guide for Carers, Family and Friends commented, “I know from experience that this is a difficult time of year, it may sound like a cliché, but regardless of whether you are the carer or the patient, talking and expressing how you feel is a sure way to improving relations and emotions.”

    Anne initially found out her mother was sick over the Christmas period and then, the following Christmas her family had to cope without her mother, who had lost her battle with cancer six months previously. Anne explained, “Time will eventually improve how you feel. That year was particularly terrible for us, we felt we couldn’t celebrate Christmas in the family home, and we parted ways with our traditional Christmas food. But, as time has gone on it does get easier.”

    Equally difficult is trying to celebrate Christmas where a loved one is ill. Cancer changes many family relationships, so it is important to nurture and manage these relationships in a positive way and acknowledge that it is normal to have feelings such as guilt, anger or hopelessness.

    It is a busy time of year where the ‘to do’ list may seem endless - food, décor, parties and presents. The key is not to go overboard. With 150,000 people dying of cancer every year, many families feel like they need to put on an extra special Christmas as it could be their last with their loved ones, but more often than not this leads to further pressure.

    Anne Orchard provides five coping tips for this Christmas:

    1. Don’t pretend that nothing has changed – it would be false to pretend that there isn’t a gap in your family.


    2. Talk – be open with your friends, family and children. Children especially notice when adults are unhappy around them. Keep them in the loop.

    3. Consider abandoning the traditional celebrations – you can’t fake cheerfulness, especially when you are not ready for it.


    4. Appreciate what you do still have. However much you miss the person, there are others that are still alive and need you.


    5. Limit how much you take on – bring Christmas back to the basics and keep to what is special for you as a family.

    If you know someone who is in either one of these situations this Christmas, don’t forget to let them know that you are around and that you are thinking of them. It really is important to verbalise to people that you care and that they are not alone. Even a simple reminder that you are only a phone call away can be a positive experience as well as letting them know that you are not too busy to pop over.

    Anne Orchard, Families Facing Cancer – familiesfacingcancer.org.uk



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